Confidential to a Mr. Brian Leon Mays
Dear Mr. Mays:
It has come to our attention that you are missing a pet mouse that you have taken care of for two whole days. We at Sir, Leona, Dorothy, and Associates happen to be aware of the whereabouts of your dear pet.
Please be advised that there are certain conditions that you must satisfy before the mouse will be released to your custody.
1.) You must agree to revere a lady by the name of Miss Reagan Bockhold and give her a sum of money not less than $1,000,000,000,000 (ONE TRILLION US DOLLARS.)
2.) You must agree that any provocation of the above listed woman (e.g. "teasing") must cease and desist immediately.
If you agree to these conditions, please meet us at the intersection of Interstate 35 and Interstate 240 on the afternoon of Saturday, July 16, 2005 at 2:00 p.m. Please have the 1,000,000,000,000 in a bank bag in unmarked bills, with a Certificate of Authenticity from the Federal Reserve with you. Please also be advised that you will be required to dress up as Mario Mario, wearing red overalls and a cap and carrying a plunger, as that is Miss Bockhold's wish.
If you don't agree to these conditions, please do nothing. A pack of men carrying viola cases will be arriving at your residence shortly.
We appreciate your immediate attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
Sir, Leona, Dorothy and Associates
It has come to our attention that you are missing a pet mouse that you have taken care of for two whole days. We at Sir, Leona, Dorothy, and Associates happen to be aware of the whereabouts of your dear pet.
Please be advised that there are certain conditions that you must satisfy before the mouse will be released to your custody.
1.) You must agree to revere a lady by the name of Miss Reagan Bockhold and give her a sum of money not less than $1,000,000,000,000 (ONE TRILLION US DOLLARS.)
2.) You must agree that any provocation of the above listed woman (e.g. "teasing") must cease and desist immediately.
If you agree to these conditions, please meet us at the intersection of Interstate 35 and Interstate 240 on the afternoon of Saturday, July 16, 2005 at 2:00 p.m. Please have the 1,000,000,000,000 in a bank bag in unmarked bills, with a Certificate of Authenticity from the Federal Reserve with you. Please also be advised that you will be required to dress up as Mario Mario, wearing red overalls and a cap and carrying a plunger, as that is Miss Bockhold's wish.
If you don't agree to these conditions, please do nothing. A pack of men carrying viola cases will be arriving at your residence shortly.
We appreciate your immediate attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
Sir, Leona, Dorothy and Associates
13 Comments:
At 7:52 AM,
Reagan said…
Mr. Mays:
We have already have contact with the Answering Machine Woman. She discussed a sign at length with us at 613 Delaware (or was it 613 Olw? We were unable to tell)...she said that we need to be in contact with you via phone. The number she gave us was 613...I mean, 614, or was it 6...612...oh, never mind. Just call us at our office. You know the number.
At 10:33 AM,
Anonymous said…
Relax, Brian. I am being treated really well. (By the way, Reagan, that chocolate pie was delicious!) I am comfortable and in a secret location. Don't worry...I am fine.
At 11:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
Dear Mr. Mays:
After much examination, we have determined that your mouse, Herman B.L. Mays II, has a bit of a Napoleon complex. He keeps insisting that he is actually Herman Sr. and that he is as big as "that darn cat" (whatever that means.)
As a psychiatric internist, my recommendation is to give him shock treatment for a period of two (2) weeks, after which point he will be given a thorough evaluation. If further treatment proves to be necessary, he will be sent to Griffin Memorial Hospital.
At 11:14 AM,
Anonymous said…
You know, Brian, you need to face reality and realize that YOU are the cause of your child's problems! His childhood was filled with images of Star Wars, cats and Weird Al. No wonder he's traumatized!
At 11:23 AM,
Anonymous said…
Maybe he doesn't want to. Gosh!
At 11:28 AM,
Anonymous said…
I know YOU are, but what am I?
At 11:36 AM,
Reagan said…
Wow...this is the most fun I have had with this blog in months!
(goes back to lurking)
At 11:37 AM,
Anonymous said…
Huh..huh-huh-huh...he said speen.
At 12:13 PM,
Anonymous said…
I mean spleen. Cheerio.
At 12:28 PM,
Reagan said…
Wow. A link that didn't post. Is that the best you can do, Brian Leon Mays?
At 12:58 PM,
Reagan said…
Wow. A dubbing job (and a bad one at that). Is that the best that offers?
At 2:01 PM,
Reagan said…
Wow...a screen shot of a fan and a broken link. That's polkas for ya.
At 6:30 PM,
Anonymous said…
Reagan an OSU fan...I knew she'd come to the light side of the force...
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